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Hollow Embrace

by Mayfield

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1.
I spent my childhood looking up to the mountaintops. Now as I return, I feel an inner burn. I miss those family trips we took; passing by the inukshuks by the coast. I want to feel the water. Let it seep into my pores. I want to feel the oceans mist amongst the air. Lift my body with the wind, there’s clarity within. I've been stepping on broken glass all my life. Begging for an end to this hopelessness. This is where my cold blood began to run its course. The overflowing streams, a constant state of dreams. A part of me still lingers in the elder maple trees, and I don’t ever feel complete. There was once a time when I was young and full of life. I felt alive. Breathing in every single moment to capture the simple pictures. The shutter closes. When the film runs out we become hollow vessels; skeletons dancing in the draught. Our bodies become the ocean floor, left to be feasted on; creating life as we join the dead. We will be joined with the dead. Stay with me, embrace the end. We suck the life out of everything we love until we leave a carcass to be devoured by the sands of time and space.
2.
You made me who I am, so I’m sorry if I let you down. I know you didn’t think I’d be here now; and I couldn’t find a way to tell you how I’m grateful for you. I never made it easy. I sheltered my feelings. I didn’t want you to see me when I was broken and bleeding. Always know that I’d be there if you ever needed me, because you’ve been there for me every fucking time. I hope you know, I owe you everything. You’ve seen me growing older; searching for meaning in this life. I can feel you on my shoulders helping me to rise up from my grave. How could I forget? It made me who I am. Everything you said, you don’t know what it meant to me. It kept me standing. I know all you want and everything you need is all for me. And I hope you see I hope to be everything you’ve wanted for me. I’m dying to go back. I wish I knew what I had. I still take you for granted. I just never know what I have until it’s gone, and I’ve buried all the memories along the way. Until I’m lost, and I try to retrace my steps but now they’ve faded away. I know that I came from something beautiful, and I'll make you proud of me. I swear I’ll make you proud. It made me who I am. I don’t want to live without you. I don’t want to let you go. You say you’re always with me, but why do I still feel so alone?
3.
Back Home 02:47
Don't look back. I don't tell myself enough. I just can't let this go. I don't know why I can't seem to balance it all. I guess it's just because I'm looking back. When I dive into these memories I come crawling back to rolling seas, and again I can't find ways to stay afloat. I can't stay afloat. Lay me down for good. Flashbacks take me back to the place that I want to be. I want to stay here. I come around every once in a while just to reassure myself this was real. I will stay permanently stained. I fought this demon before. He left me broken and torn apart. A piece of him still lives in me. Leeching my sanity. I just can’t let it eat away, so I refuse this slow decay. Caught in between the dream and the plan. I'm not the man I used wish I'd be. Leeching my fucking sanity. It’s been so long since I can say I felt at home. Sometimes I dream about the days when I was young, and wonder why everything had to go so wrong. I never planned for this, but then again I guess that no one really can. This life I live is always pulling on the pin. I'll never balance out these days of emptiness.
4.
Stand up straight, face the world; the beauty of nature awaits you. Time stands still, it never will-only when my eyes are open. Thoughts are heard, words are spoken. Time is said to heal the broken. Nature helps to open paths; widening streams into oceans vast. Echoed thoughts begin to come to life, and we fall in love with our sacrifice. This is all we have. Day by day we join the hive. Living lies. Dreaming skies. Open minds to realize what’s real in life. Summer cries, Grass reaches high; and the moon shines true over the mighty blue. We waste in time under the planets flesh, where our statue bodies are the last thing left.
5.
Filth 04:03
You are the sun, my daisy. I’m the dirt. You wrap your roots around me and rise up from the earth. I want to make a difference, I want make this right; but I’m losing all my patience in this everlasting fight. I’m so fucking sick of trying my hardest only to find that to you it’s meant nothing. You’ve seen everything I’ve never shown, and you know everything I wish I never knew. I’ll show you to the level of hell that I live every day in day out. All my dreams have died. All my memories are lies. Candle light won’t shine my way. I’m really getting tired- I think I’m on my way. After all the bottles drained, Only my memories remain; but I’m caught beneath the litter and the dirt within my soul. Filth. This can’t be the end. You keep me alive inside. You bring me happiness and I hope I do the same. You wake me up with smiles and show me the love inside your heart. I’m burning with desire; please don’t let me fall apart. I promise to stay alive if you don’t let me die. I’m caught beneath the litter and the dirt within my soul. I’m half the man I wish I was, struggling to let go. I am the dirt, contaminated with the worst. You need to see that I’m trying to be the best man I can be. With thick mistakes comes deep regret and agony. A painful race- I will never see the end.
6.
This isn't the place where I thought I would be. Caught in the chase and forgot how to breathe. A blink and a laugh, it's now all but a memory. I'm not the man who I swore I would be, who lived everyday like the last one he'd see. But I'm not a liar, the truth is a thief. If you asked how I saw myself-where I’d be. Losing hope and lost at 23. Honestly, this is reality catching up with me. I can’t find ways to harness time. Everyday, falling further back to yesterday. Absent minded of all that I have. I can’t get it back. My childhood: a past life. An alternate universe. Days slipping away, like sand through my fingertips. Like sand, slipping away. The only way I can make this last is to push myself until there’s nothing left. Make a mark on my fucking life. This is the last chance standing in a world of lies. I bleed myself dry. Draining the love I’ve got, until my face goes white and my heart just rots. So if you asked how I saw myself living out every single fucking day in hell, I know that I’ve been here too long. It's time to get out right now. I need to get out now. The world is waiting, and I can’t wallow in my self-deception. swallowing me whole. Let it all sink in. we spend too much time living inside our minds. We waste in time as a vessel for the soul and live as apparitions. We live to conquer, we live to embrace the human connection, and we live to face annihilation. Watch the wind carry on. Feel time slip through your fingertips. Stretch your limbs high and breathe deep as your body seeps into the soil. Greet the light with all the respect it deserves. This isn’t the place where I thought I would be. Caught in the chase and forgot how to breathe. A blink and a laugh, it's now all but a memory. I’m still not the man who I swore I would be, but with each passing day, the clearer I see. I know the truth and that’s all that I need. Don’t hold back your dreams for fear of failure. The only anchor you’ll set is your own. Learn to let go

about

Recorded with Sam Pura at The Panda Studios in Fremont, California.
Mixed and Mastered by Dan Braunstein
Album Artwork by Nicky Barkla

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released October 14, 2016

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Mayfield Ottawa, Ontario

Post Hardcore band from Ottawa, Canada.

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